I have taken the challenge up from the lovely Beki of The Ramblings of An Everyday Mummy. I have to admit that some of mine are quite similar to hers - we are obviously all Bad Ass Bitches in blogland!
Okay hold on to you knickers girls! Its all SEX and DRUGS!
1. I was suspended from school when I was fourteen for climbing on the school roof and shouting swear words while up there! I was also made to sit at the back of the head teachers classroom during 2 years of english lesson - for climbing out of a window during detention! Gosh school was very hard for me! I hated school as I had moved from a wonderful strict Liverpool school to a crappy one in the Warwickshire were I just did not fit in as a scouse with attitude!
2. I swear fluently! I just cannot help myself, my favourite is abso-fucking-lutely!
3. My friend and I made loads of hash truffles for my wedding - I was so suprised when all my older relies were asking for more - 'you didn't invent drugs girl' they said!
4. I can swing my boobs while wearing nipple tassels burlesque style- :: to the right :: to the left:: over :: under :: - my mum showed me how to do it, I used to say when I was a kid, 'dance ya boobs mum'!
5. I was 16 before I found out that people moved during sexual intercourse! I still cringe at this but how could I know that people moved - the teacher said the male inserted his penis and then squirted his sperm like a fish does on to eggs, I assumed that was it - In, Squirt, Out!. It was the joke about the nuns doing press-ups on a cucumber patch that gradually made me think! Good job I was not sexually active - I would have had a heart attack, or though my partner was having an epileptic fit or something jigging about!
7. I am a bit chavvy! I love black velour jogging suits, leopard print, big earings, big eyelashes, red nail varnish, huge sunglasses, high heels and tons of leopard print! I love bling - I inheriteted my grans wedding and engagement rings because the diamond was so big and blingy and the wedding ring it as big and heavy as a brick - too much for my mum and sis! They say they look cheap even though they are not! lol!
Hair style, I say to the hairdresser 'Make it look like I have been shagged in a hedge' - no wash and set here girls! Looking forward to a funky purple rinse when I am ancient!
While watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding I wished I could have a wedding like that! Gosh I am sooooo common!! And I love it!!
Okay hold on to you knickers girls! Its all SEX and DRUGS!
1. I was suspended from school when I was fourteen for climbing on the school roof and shouting swear words while up there! I was also made to sit at the back of the head teachers classroom during 2 years of english lesson - for climbing out of a window during detention! Gosh school was very hard for me! I hated school as I had moved from a wonderful strict Liverpool school to a crappy one in the Warwickshire were I just did not fit in as a scouse with attitude!
2. I swear fluently! I just cannot help myself, my favourite is abso-fucking-lutely!
3. My friend and I made loads of hash truffles for my wedding - I was so suprised when all my older relies were asking for more - 'you didn't invent drugs girl' they said!
5. I was 16 before I found out that people moved during sexual intercourse! I still cringe at this but how could I know that people moved - the teacher said the male inserted his penis and then squirted his sperm like a fish does on to eggs, I assumed that was it - In, Squirt, Out!. It was the joke about the nuns doing press-ups on a cucumber patch that gradually made me think! Good job I was not sexually active - I would have had a heart attack, or though my partner was having an epileptic fit or something jigging about!
6. I don't drink (or smoke) - I hate feeling out of control! Not a hash cake in sight! Mind you my prescription only pain relief drugs feel pretty good with all that codeine in! I am a control freak and have to have a clean home with everything in order! Even my clutter is orderly!
7. I am a bit chavvy! I love black velour jogging suits, leopard print, big earings, big eyelashes, red nail varnish, huge sunglasses, high heels and tons of leopard print! I love bling - I inheriteted my grans wedding and engagement rings because the diamond was so big and blingy and the wedding ring it as big and heavy as a brick - too much for my mum and sis! They say they look cheap even though they are not! lol!
Hair style, I say to the hairdresser 'Make it look like I have been shagged in a hedge' - no wash and set here girls! Looking forward to a funky purple rinse when I am ancient!
While watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding I wished I could have a wedding like that! Gosh I am sooooo common!! And I love it!!
43 comments:
Im still on the floor laughing!!!! xxxx
Just logged on and yours is the first post I've read today.
I am smiling from ear to ear and think I may have just developed a girly crush on you lol.
I am laughing out loud and thinking we would of been best friends at school, I was forever climbing out of windows whist in detention.
Love the whole wedding hash cakes 'hehe'
B xxx
lol - I salute you! You make me laugh! I was never so cool at school - always the pleb in the background with a basin haircut which I had dried in front of the fire so it was all static! A picture of beauty - not - although my language is vile my favourite is Shi***g Bol**cks. Covered in tattoo's and I don't care what people think - more rebellious now than I ever was in my youth... Sue x
You are a funny one, I just love getting more and more snippets of you! You sound like the sort of person that I would get along with famously, I'm forever being chastised for my foul language, but I can't help it it's me. My Mum is the same my family call her Mrs Chubby Brown! My most commonly used swear word is 'Pissflaps' ~ I know it's dreadful but it slips out when I make mistakes. People at work think I have tourettes! Love the nipple tassels, and congrats on the nipple talents! :)
Kandi x
Brilliant! I love a bit of bling myself, brightens up a dull day.
Blimey!
I am SO boring!!
lol! you have made my day!
so, so funny! you have made me laugh!
I now have such a funny picture of you! Maybe i should do this on my blog!
Annie....I fucking love you!xxx
Annie, you make me laugh! Like Beki, I have a girly crush too. I didn't fit in at school either but didn't have your balls. I think we should have video evidence of the boob dance. LOL! xx
Oh yes, we would have formed a gang if we had been at school together! I hung out with my brother and always enjoyed British Bulldog and similar games... looking like a fairy but definitely very much not! Swearing is still a problem for me - my most frequent being f'ing arseholes which I always visualise too making it even worse... ex smoker and now very limited drinker/control freak like you - clutter tidier - my house is known as 'the sterile unit' by family. Difficult to explain this compared to silk painting christian blogger persona, I know - I am very likely scitzophrenic which would explain everything very nicely.
Bloody fantastic. I have been such a square all my life, looking forward to life starting when I am 40. God my kids think I am embarrassing now, they haven't seen anything yet!!
Thank you for such a lovely post.
Colette x
I have a daughter just like you and I'm still in therapy from when she was fifteen!!!jennyx (had to read your post outloud to hubby just to see his face!)
I havent laughed so much in ages and can relate to several (if not all) of your 7 confessions!! PMSL. x
Love your 7 things Annie, theres nowt wrong with being fluent in swearing!!!
And as an ex Manchester rave-scene kid I fully understand the need for hash cakes sometimes!!
Velour joggers..most comfy item of clother ever...and J-Lo used to wear them and she probably still does so you're in bloody good company!!
Em xxxxxxxx
Laughing my fooking arse off at your post... you are fabulous... thank you for putting a smile on my face today xxxx
You certainly made me smile today....a great post.....sounds like you were the kid my mum told me not to be friends with!!!!!
LOL. Thats really honest, I wonder how many people whould have shared that their mum taught them boob dancing..
I love that rebelious streak you have, you remind me so much of me. I was soooooooooooooooooo naughty in my younger years, especially at school when I wasn't bunking off somewhere. I was caught smoking and drinking at school. Horrific to think back how much stress I caused my mum.
Now I'm just naughty and mischievous in a nice kinda way lol x
Have a great week x
Have a fabulous week
Ahahaha, Annie you're brilliant. Bet your wedding was absolutely hilarious.
I realised the other day just how much I actually swear. Luckily no-one seems to mind!
thats a great list ;0) hehe
i was always being told off for my laughing out loud and not being able to stop...i wasnt keen on secondary school though i loved my primary school.
best wishes x
Im laughing so much, I have tears in my eyes. You are a legend Annie xxxx
LMAO god you are so funny I nearly wet myself!!Me as I teenager I got suspended from school for sneaking out at night to party (boarding school), and dated a biker!! Guess we're all rebels at heart..
Happy sunday
Pene x
best blog! you made me laugh so much and brought back some of my own memories.fabulous! if you have a party i want to come!
x
This must have been one of the most funniest blogs I've read!!!
You sure sound like a 'fun- girl'!!
....they should base a film on you, I would definitely go to see it!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!
Sharon xx
Annie you are absolutelyy brilliant and I fucking love you! xxx
This is a magnificent post! You've got some balls girl! I might wince at some of the lines... but by 'eck your brazen antics make an excellent and hilarious read! Do tell more!! (-;
You are so funny! I enjoy your blog sooo much and being originally from Wirral ( I know it's the other side of the water ) I miss the scouse sense of humour a lot so keep it up. Rachael Xx
Brilliant!!!! You really made me smile Annie.
Hugs
Em xx
Welcome back. Your black dog, like Elvis has obviously left the building. LOLuft, LLX
Oh I do love you Annie! xxxx
You really are a scream! Mr VG is wondering what is going on in the dining room - it is me laughing out loud!
fan bloody tastic.
Gillx
For once, I might actually look forward to going to have my hair cut. I am longing to start with "Well, Annie recommends..."
Superb. x
You go girl, you've given us all a jolly good old cheer up! X
Annie I love you even more! I always have my hair in that style, I don't think it goes in any other style.
I LOVED this list, had me giggling from start to finish, thank you! I might just ask my hairdresser for a "shagged in a hedge" look next time, see what she says ;) x
LOL XX
I can't own up to any of your seven. How boring am I. Off to drink my sorrows in a bottle of cider.
God woman you need a I made Some One Laugh today Award! I find reading your blog so flippin refreshing!
xxx
LOL! I dont even know how I got to your blog, but I'm glad I did, we have a few things in common.. uh.. guess I wont say which things lol!
Love that you served hash cakes at your wedding.. that is just hysterical!
have great day!
vivian
I have only been suspended the once, ( and that was in the sixth form should have known better ) Ha! Forget the less is more time on the internet, if I keep logging on to read your hoots, I shall log on more often
;0)
Hugs
M xx
Had a nice big smile over that, it's so nice to find I'm not the only craft Blogger who says fuck about a hundred times a day!
Fabulous !!! x I dont go to hairdressers and ask for that haircut, sseems to happen naturally for me LMAO x Great blog read
I am so with you on the Absof---inglutely!!!
And I was expelled from a convent school....
Warmest Wishes,
Callie x
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